• Nicole Lobo

New Year, New You? My Outlook for 2019

Hello again...it's been a little while since I've had a chance to pop in and offer up my two cents about everything and anything life related. I would make up an excuse that time has been limited or the holidays have been too insane to get a minute to write, but the truth is, my life has been a jumble of changes and resetting that I haven't really had the positive mindset that would allow me the words to put to print until now. I would say that all the changes and resetting would be sad and hard some days, but looking back now it has made me realize how much more there is to life than living on hopes and dreams that would never come. I guess hard times show you true intentions, and it's better late than never. So no more time to be sad and dwell on the past, time to focus on how to cultivate the new me and be the best, kick-ass version of myself who is pretty darn awesome (yes, I'm going to toot my own horn here because we need that sometimes)!


When it finally came down to what to post my first blog post for 2019, the oh-so-common trends of New Years resolutions or becoming your "best self" came to mind. However, based on the recent series of unfortunate events that has been my life the past two months, I'd say those kind of posts would not be playing true to my sentiments. SO...in the nature of being honest and practicing what I preach, I thought it be best to write about a different take on the whole "new year, new me" perspective.



Instead of focusing on the big ticket items that everyone wants to change with the ringing in of a new year, I thought it would be better to take on the perspective of the things that are smaller and more manageable. Some may want to focus their New Years resolution on becoming healthier in their daily lives, while others may place their focus on improving their financial security, getting into a new career they love, or improving their relationships. The key point is that to some extent, we crave a sense of newness, a sense of fresh beginnings and new opportunities. And with all the excitement that comes with the jolly cries of "Happy New Year!" the excitement for change begins to dwindle as the weeks following come and go. So, the question is...how do we keep the passion for change alive?


This passion cannot be founded on the principles of wanting more money, or to be more fit and fabulous; but rather this passion has to come wholeheartedly within you. After all, how can we possibly think that our goals will be accomplished if they aren't goals we truly want. In short, take some time away from all the hustle and bustle of daily life and ask yourself what truly makes you happy, what gives you a bounce in your step and an excitement to wake up every day? Then ask, what is missing, what can be changed to make me a better and happier version of myself? The key here is not to focus on the aspects of your life that require external change in order to be successful, but rather the focus should be on the small things we can do in our daily lives that we can change ourselves. Ultimately, happiness comes from within, it cannot be bought or earned, but rather it comes from the satisfaction that we have accomplished something out of our own will and desire.


Now, lets say a goal of yours is to be overall "happier" in life. You have no idea yet what aspects of happiness you want or how you plan on getting there, but rather you just want to be happier, not as stressed, and enjoying life a little more. Well my friend, the first question you have to ask yourself in your reflection is, what does happiness mean to me? What does it look like? Happiness is one of those unique and fragile things in life that can only be truly appreciated when we have been in moments of difficulty and strain. When we know what it is like to be down, we appreciate being happy all the more when it finally approaches. To be happier in life is to be happy with yourself first. The pride we have in ourselves over extends any happiness we could possibly gain from another person, from a materialistic purchase or from a far-away fantasy we dream of. Even though buying a new car or spending a month in paradise is always a fun and exciting time, it is fleeting and not long-lasting. Ultimately, the goal of attaining happiness comes from our deepest desires for ourselves and the accomplishments we surmount to on our own.


Lastly, my final point to make in this post about finding your "new you" is about learning to simply...let go. The concept of letting go is different for all of us. Some of you reading this may need to let go of anger, sadness or resentment towards someone who has wronged you, made you feel small, or hurt you in such a way that it is hard to move on. Some may need to let go of a hope for change that has run its course and causing you more harm than good. And others may need to let go of certain people in our lives that have held them back and caused the deepest kinds of emotional pain. Whatever the reason, let it go. When we are angry, sad, frustrated, pissed off, depressed, exhausted, or feeling as though we're ready to explode; we are hurting ourselves more than we will ever hurt the other person. When we spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months hoping and wishing for change that is external, we are wasting our precious time. Your time is so special and so fragile, do not give it away to anything or anyone who does not deserve it. As time goes on and as we grow up, we learn these hard lessons. Although they have hurt us, made us feel lost or broken, and made us question who we were; they have made us stronger versions of the selves we had left behind. So with this new year, I challenge you to break the stereotypical molds of change and instead be the change for yourself and no one else. When we open up our vantage points and stop looking at life through such a narrow viewpoint, we quickly realize how much there truly is to live for and what our potentials really are. Don't wait for the new job, the new car, the new house, the new friends, or even the new girl/guy to come falling into your lap and making you feel somewhat whole again. Go out there and get it, not for anyone else but yourself. All good things will come when they are meant to come, and if they weren't meant to be then that is really okay too. I am a firm believer that if it is meant to be it will be, but if it's not then it won't. Again...if its not meant to be...let it go.

I hope this post has given you some excitement for what this year has to bring. Not in the sense of all that can be gained or lost, but rather what can be created out of the pure and honest devotion you put into every step you make. If you are reading this right now and feeling some sort of pain, know that pain is real but it is only temporary. Give yourself a chance and make this year all that you hope for it to be!


Nicole

xoxo

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Everyday Self Counselling

Nicole Lobo, MA., RP

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